Shoes are Evil - Pure, Jingly, Evil
by LadyPhenyx
Summary: Have you ever seen a cat when someone puts shoes on it? Picture that, but remove the cat and substitute Jack.


Jack glared down at his feet.

No, not at his feet. At the shoes currently adorning his feet.

_Shoes._

He flopped back into the snow and groaned. Elves were officially sneaky little bastards and he was going _elf bowling_ when he got back to the Pole.

Just as soon as he got these damn shoes off.

They were the shoes the elves had tried to foist onto him during that mess of an initiation ceremony and been trying to get on him ever since. Blue, embroidered, _belled_ shoes.

Jack did not appreciate being belled like a cat. How was he supposed to sneak up on somebody when he was wearing frigging _bells_?

How they'd managed to find him and drag the shoes with them, he didn't know, but he'd heard their bells as they fled when he woke up to find the things on his feet. Another argument against bells.

To make things worse, the elves had done something to the shoes, Jack knew it. They _wouldn't come off._ He was so close to freezing the things out of sheer frustration, as if that would solve anything instead of making things worse.

He could just be grateful no one had been around to see him fighting to get them off.

Now that he had his memories, Jack knew he'd worn shoes occasionally as a human – mostly hand-me-downs from older cousins, and he'd gone without as often as possible, since they didn't fit right, and he'd pass on new shoes if only so Emily could have them – which meant he'd spent most of his human life barefoot too.

At this point, just having something on his feet just felt _wrong_.

To make things worse…he couldn't feel the ground properly through them. It felt like he was cut off from the earth, and as for walking…

He struggled to his feet, the shoes threatening to give out from under him at any moment, and took a tentative step forward. He skidded, slipping as badly as his first day on the ice and nearly falling. Gingerly he tried the other foot, grimacing at the sensation of bulk underfoot cutting him off from the ground. Just as he thought he was steady, they slid out from under him and he took a faceplant into the snow.

Friggin' _cherry on top_. Jack groaned and briefly considered just staying on the ground. How did people walk in these things?

Gritting his teeth, Jack levered himself up and blew snow out of his face. There had to be some way to get these things off, even if he had to fly up to the Pole and demand help from North, no matter how embarrassing it would be. He couldn't ask Bunny, he'd never stop laughing about it. Or Tooth, she'd be sympathetic but was too busy to deal with something like this. Same for Sandy. Now…to get in the air…

Unconsciously Jack shook his foot as he took a step as if that would shake the shoe off, slipping again as he put it down. Flailing and cursing, looking like a Python in a Ministry of Funny Walks sketch and as far from his usual grace as possible, shaking his feet each time he picked them up, Jack stumbled and slid his way to an open spot where the wind could pick him up, nearly going down over and over again on the short trip.

No more walking.

Flying over Burgess, Jack brightened when he heard children's voices calling out his name. He waved down at Jamie and Sophie, laughing when he realized Jamie wanted to show him something.

Swooping in for a landing, he forgot the shoes until the last second, when his graceful landing turned into feet flying out from under him and landing on his back with a grunt.

Oooh, stars. Pretty stars. Oh wait, it was still daylight. Stars now bad.

There was deathly silence for a few seconds before both children burst out laughing, Jack groaning as he sat up.

Jack glared at the hated shoes, lifting one foot slightly to give it a better glare. "Your mother," he informed it solemnly, "was a snowshoe, and your father…"

He grunted again as Sophie landed on his stomach, giggling and throwing her arms around his neck and knocking Jack onto his back again.

"Jack silly! Silly silly!"

"…you know what your father was," he muttered to the shoe as he worked his way back to a sitting position, shifting to hold onto the giggling Sophie. "Hey Soph."

Jamie flopped onto the ground next to Jack, still laughing. "Nice shoes, Jack. Going for the elf look? Practicing to help Santa out this year?" Jack mock-glared at the younger boy.

"North's elves," he declared, "are sadists. And these," he added, wiggling a foot, "are pure evil." Jamie eyed the shoes and stifled more giggles as the bell on the tip jingled merrily in defiance of Jack's declaration and laser guided death glare.

"…why are you wearing them then?" Jamie asked when he got his giggles under control.

"Because they're _cursed_."

"What, so you can't walk in them?"

"No, so I can't take them off."

"…so…that was all you."

Jack put on his best puppy eyes. "The soles are sucking out my _soul_, Jamie," he said plaintively as possible.

Sophie scooted out of Jack's hold, crawling across him and down to his feet to start batting at the bells on his shoes. Jack rolled his eyes and shook his feet, jingling the bells for her. "…also, your sister is part cat," he added.

The younger boy still looked far too amused as Jack fell dramatically back over to the merry jingling of bells. "Can take down the Boogieman, and I get defeated by _shoes,_" Jack muttered.

Sophie, still giggling, seized a shoe in both hands and began to tug. "Sophie," Jamie said, with all the exasperated patience of the big brother, "Why do you keep trying to take people's shoes?" He started to get up and stop her when Jack snorted.

"Let 'er have her fun, they won't come off," he muttered with disgust. Jamie opened his mouth to reply when Sophie laughed, tumbling over backward as the shoe came off in her grip.

Jack shot up, staring at Sophie, who was giggling and clutching the shoe like a prize, and back at his once again bare foot, wiggling his toes and looking at it with wonder. _Sweet freedom!_

"…you look like Ariel," Jamie commented. "Plus…_cursed_, Jack?"

Jack stuck out his tongue. "Even curses aren't immune to your sister's adorableness," he said. "Hey Soph, c'mon, you need a matching pair!" he coaxed, shaking the remaining shoe and making it jingle as Sophie's eyes went huge.

"…Jack, you are such a _dork_."


End file.
